How to Stimulate Desire When Stress, Kids and Work Interfere
Ask any mother of small children what her “to do” list looks like for the day and I can assure you that satisfying her lover is not there. Between getting the kids ready in the morning, working a full time job and maintaining a busy household, little time is left for romance…..so she thinks.
It is not surprising that this 28-40 year old group does not think about sex, as they are constantly multi-tasking and working on the next project. The last thing the stressed out, fatigued woman wants to hear is, “Are we gonna do it today?” Perhaps it is followed up with, “We haven’t done it in over a week!” Neither comment will get you sex, so you might as well stop there. It is important to remember that males can still function despite returning home from work up-tight with stress and aggravation. In fact Sex for men is a stress reliever while stress for women requires stress relief.
So let’s go over a plan to bring your tired, stress-out lady back to her erotic self:
1) HE will pick any two nights of the week and must come home from work and assume all children duties, such as, feed them, clean up the kitchen, put away the toys, bathe the babies and do homework with the children.
2) SHE will leave the house and choose one of these options:
a. Go to the gym and exercise as women are often self-conscious about their weight and the stress-relief from cardio and weightlifting stimulates the endorphins
b. Go for a manicure and pedicure as the massaging of these areas is relaxing and relieves stress. Nice nails are always sexy
c. Go read a sexy novel and have a glass of wine, any Sandra Brown novel will do. This stimulates sexy thoughts and the wine relaxes and reduces inhibitions. Don’t drink the bottle!
3) SHE will return home at the designated hour and agree to an intimate encounter
Not surprisingly, this works well almost all of the time because she is so turned-on by the fact that he did all of those things just to have sex with her. Secondly, he often exclaims as they climb into bed, “I’m exhausted” which validates the hard work she does.
This is a homework assignment that would work in any given week. An additional tip would be to have a “date night” on a Friday or Saturday where the kids can stay over at a friend’s or at Grandma’s and you can have a sensual evening together with a light dinner, candles everywhere and no rush or concern for kids barging in. Try this the next time and see how easily it brings the sensuality back into the relationship.
Maureen Whelihan MD is a gynecologist and sexual medicine expert. She is the President of the Center of Sexual Health and Education and can be reached at www.BestSexualAdvice.com